Love yourself on Valentine's Day

As we move toward Valentine’s Day, we oftentimes think about how love is manifesting in our lives or not showing up at all. Many of us fixate on having someone to remind us that we are important or valuable. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all remember that we are valuable because we exist? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could be in such a state of love within ourselves that we radiated light in every situation?

As I contemplate love this month, I focus on revealing a loving heart. I recognize a hunger in my soul, which gently guides me to become what I say that I want. I am called to live my life as a beacon for oneness and peace. I feel that now is a time for choosing. Now is the time to look at what we decide to give the world. Is it judgment and suffering? Or, is it compassion and acceptance? A twelve-year-old named Mia Burnett wrote a “peace prayer” for an event honoring the Season For Peace and Non-Violence (a grass roots program honoring the 64 days between the respective deaths of Martin Luther King and Mahatmas K. Ghandi). She said, “It is us, and only us, that must awaken this peace. We cannot wait around for a hero to do this for us. It is a leap of faith and a blessing to realize that all is in Spirit’s hands, as we do our part to keep peace, love and hope thriving”. As she read her prayer, I was instantly and deeply moved into my heart, and a thought came to me: If we could be in the place of loving heart, we would leave a legacy that would reveal that we were a people dedicated to expressing harmony, commitment, acceptance and joy. We were a people dedicated to living love.

As you go forward this month, I invite you to reflect on your choices. I invite you to activate within you a commitment to give and receive love in every moment. Make it your intention to “be the change you want to see in the world.” Activate this commitment in your heart and watch your world change in miraculous ways.

Take a moment to remember this:

Today, I am the embodiment of a loving heart. I choose to leave a living legacy of peace and an awakened soul.



written by Cynthia James on GAIAM.com

42 life lessons

... Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 42 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.


1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it..

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.



12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it...

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

22. The most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive but don’t forget.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..

31. Believe in miracles.

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

34. Your children get only one childhood.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

39. The best is yet to come...

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

41. Yield.

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Stay Happy and Optimistic Every Day

How to have a more positive outlook on life and stay optimistic, stress free and mentally healthy.



How are you feeling at this very moment?If your answer is anything less than "content," the chances are that your state of angst is being caused by two elements that have nothing to do with the Here and Now; specifically, Yesterday and Tomorrow.Regrets about events that have occurred in the past and apprehensions about what could occur in the future have done more to immobilize otherwise healthy people than anything else in the world.






Want to break the pattern of needless worry and learn to rejoice in the present?The following tips will help you to get there.














YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW ARE NOT WITHIN YOUR CONTROL











Throughout our lifetimes there will be paths we will wish that we had taken or choices that we perceive would have been better ones for us to make.Unfortunately, life doesn't come with an instant replay button or a chance for do-overs.For as much time as one can spend daydreaming about the outcomes of a parallel universe, the less time accordingly becomes available for making good use of the decisions that brought us to our current juncture.Likewise, we can chew our fingernails down to the knuckles and wear a hole in the carpet in our pacing and forth and worrying whether we'll get a promotion, find lasting romance, or have a safe landing on our next plane trip.None of this zealous fretting, however, is going to have any influence on how other people think or whether our time on Earth will be of short or long duration.The question to ask yourself the next time you feel anxious is whether the cause of your worry is something that is within your immediate control to fix.If it isn't, let it go.










THE ONLY THING PREDICTABLE IS CHANGE










Oftentimes when we're deliriously happy, it's hard to imagine an occasion when we were really down in the dumps.The same can be said of being depressed; certainly whatever ecstasy we felt for something or someone once upon a happier time had to have been just a myth compared to the bereft state we're feeling now.The reality, of course, is that not only is life an ebb and flow of happy and sad but that this continuing cycle provides us with the proper frame of reference to appreciate the value of both emotions.If you're feeling troubled and life just doesn't seem as bright as you think it should be, sit down right now and make a list of the 10 happiest events that have ever happened to you.The odds are in this exercise that they either happened completely out of the blue (i.e., winning a prize) or were things that were the result of your own planning (i.e., a great vacation).The first instance shows that, at any moment, something unexpected could happen that will lift your spirits.The second demonstrates that you're entirely capable of orchestrating positive outcomes yourself; you just need to focus on what it is that you want and put your energy toward making it come about










THANKSGIVING YEAR-ROUND










Too often, people wait until Thanksgiving to take stock of all the blessings in their lives.Why be a slave to the calendar when you can take stock any day of the week?For that matter, you can even buy a turkey breast, make some dressing and potatoes, and celebrate Thanksgiving in July!One needs only to watch the news on television or read the daily newspaper to see examples of people around the world who are far less fortunate.Your house, your family, your job, your health""they may not be as perfect as you'd like them to be but take a moment each and every day and consider what your world would be like if all of these things were taken from you.The adage that we are never given more than we can handle holds especially true on the days when life has us down, for it is on those days that we discover our inner strength and our drive to make the next day better"¦and happier.










WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?










Make a list of ten things that really crack you up.Maybe it's a favorite funny TV show or movie.Maybe it's a friend who always has a great way of telling humorous stories.Maybe it's listening to your children or grandchildren explain the universe.Whatever it is, try to engage in at least one of your ten funny things every day.I even have a friend who started a clippings folder of favorite New Yorker cartoons, short stories, silly cards and jokes that she could pull out whenever she was feeling glum.The secret behind her strategy, of course, is that she always adds to the folder when she's on top of the world as a form of "rainy day insurance" for whenever she later feels the weight of that same world on her shoulders.










THE 5% THEORY










Have you ever dwelled on something for longer than the duration of the actual event itself?Relationships in particular fall into this category.Many an individual, for example, will be remorse for years over the break-up of an affair that only lasted 6 months.Likewise, people will stew needlessly over an incident at the office that happened three weeks ago and that everyone else has pretty much forgotten about.If you're guilty of this habit, it's keeping you from moving forward and being happy.Therefore, apply this simple formula: do not be angry, depressed or mopey for more than 5% of the total amount of time the event was actually occurring.Let's say you dated someone for 10 weeks and he or she then dumped you.Under the 5% theory, you're entitled to whine for 3.5 days.Longer than that and you are just making yourself miserable for no good reason.










TAKE A WALK










Staying indoors and dwelling on your problems won't make them vanish.Getting completely outside of yourself, however, will allow you to view things with a different perspective.You can accomplish this by putting on a good pair of walking shoes, grabbing either a jacket or pair of sunglasses and taking a walk.Even if you've lived in the same neighborhood for years, make a point of paying more attention to the trees, the flowers, the sky, the scent of the air.Engage in conversation with the people that you meet.Make up stories for yourself about the inhabitants of the houses or the passersby in cars.Watch a sunset.Count the stars.And when you come back inside, fix yourself whatever you consider to be the best "comfort food" on the planet.You deserve it!

words to live by

* You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
* Love ... and you shall be loved.
* All people smile in the same language.
* A hug is a great gift ... one size fits all. It can be given for any accasion and it's easy to exchange.
* Everyone needs to be loved ... especially when they do not deserve it.
* Laughter is Love's sunshine.
* Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
* If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for.
* Happy memories never wear out ... relive them as often as you want.
* Home is the place where we grumble the most, but are often treated the best.
* If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it.
* Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts.
* To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it.
* We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for.
* Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.
* Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others.
* You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven.
* For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back.
* Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are.

Value

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"







Hands started going up.






He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.






He then asked, "Who still wants it?"






Still the hands were up in the air.






"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.






He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.






"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.






Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.






We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special - Don't ever forget it!
 
 
from Marcia Johnson
 

Do you love yourself?

Learning to love yourself isn't easy -- especially if you're a survivor of childhood abuse or neglect. But there are things you can do to boost your self-love.


Ask for a list of things people like about you.

Sometimes it can be hard to find things we like or love about ourselves. So -- ask other people to tell you all the things they like about you. Ask a friend, a lover, a therapist. This isn't a replacement for your own love; it's a first step in learning to love yourself. You may need to hear the things other people like about you before you can value them in youself.

If hearing what people like about you is hard, ask your friends to write it down for you, or leave it on your voice mail, so you can read/listen to it over and over. Go back to it as many times as you can. Even if you don't believe that someone can like a particular thing about you, or you don't believe it exists, trust that your friend does see it and value it.

When you start to hear critical voices inside your head, go back to those things your friend said/wrote about you, and remember that you are loved.



Make a list of the things you like about yourself.
Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Be as honest as you can. Modesty doesn't help you here; neither do old critical messages. If you're having trouble finding things you value about yourself, think about the things you value and love in your friends, then see if those things exist inside you, too. Most often, they do.


Fill a special notebook with your list, or create a set of cards. Make the notebook as beautiful as you can -- make it something that makes you feel good when you look at it. Then open it up and look at it any time you're feeling down or critical about yourself, or any time anyone says anything that triggers your criticalness of yourself.

Look at this good-things-about-yourself book as frequently as you can. It may seem silly, but repetition really does make a difference. (Just think of the impact one critical phrase said by a parent over and over to a child can have. It really does have an effect! Now try to give that child inside you at least one truly loving phrase about yourself that s/he can hold on to.)



Make it part of your daily routine to praise something in yourself or think about something you like about yourself.

In this society, we're taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. But praising ourselves for things that are good about ourselves only helps us. It is a healing thing to do, something that nourishes our self-worth. When we love ourselves, we're happier and more true to our own selves...and that happiness and ability to be free spreads to others.


So...try to think of something that you like about yourself, or something that you did today that made you or someone else feel good -- no matter how small it may seem. Give yourself the kind of warm praise that you would a friend.



Love yourself like a friend
Close your eyes and think of a person you deeply love and trust, and who you know loves you-- a friend, a lover. Think about all the things you love and appreciate about them. Notice how that love feels inside you, how it makes you feel good.

Now turn it around the other way -- be your friend, feeling that same deep love for you. Trust in their love for you, and just feel it. Let yourself see your self through gentle eyes, with compassion and love the way your friend does, even if you can only do it for a moment. Now let yourself receive that love, the love you have as a friend to yourself. Feel the warmth move through you. Remember how it feels, and come back to that love another time.



Make a note every time someone says something nice about you.
Every time someone tells you something about yourself that makes you feel good, write it down or make a mental note and jot it down later. When you get home, put that note in a container of "good things about me." Decorate the container however you like. Keep on adding notes, and read them over every time you need a little boost -- and even when you don't feel like you do.



Have compassion for yourself.
If you're feeling really judgemental about something you've done or said, try to understand where the judgement is coming from. Not the immediate, surface answer, but an answer deep down inside you. Are you afraid of something, or are you feeling insecure? Do you think you did something "wrong," or are you hearing the judgement of a voice from your past? Try to connect to that little kid inside of you who's feeling that way, and really listen to how s/he's feeling. Hug and reassure that kid, and let her/him know that s/he didn't do anything wrong, and that you love her/him.

You can also think of a friend having acted as you did. Imagine how you'd feel towards them -- how you'd still love them and readily forgive them if there was anything to forgive. You probably wouldn't even find it bothersome! Try to feel that same love and compassion for yourself.



Recognize that the love has to come from you.
If you're a survivor of child abuse or come from a dysfunctional family, you may still be waiting for a parent to give you the love and acceptance you never got as a child. But the kind of love you need (or needed as a child) probably isn't going to come from a parent who abused you or who looked the other way while you were being abused. But it can come from yourself.


It can be hard to give it to yourself at first -- after all, if you didn't receive love as a child, or if some of that love was torn away from you by violence, self-hate may have built up inside you. But you have the courage and strength to love yourself, if you've survived this long. And you do deserve it!

So try to connect to that little child inside, that child who deserves all of your love and acceptance.



Use Affirmations
I know, I know, this sounds corny. But if you hear good things about yourself over and over, you can't help but have some of it sink in.


Write out strong, loving things to say to yourself, even if you don't fully believe them. Some examples are:


"I utterly and completely deserve love and kindness,"


"I am a very loveable person,"


"I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, and wise." (or subsitute the words for loving words that you feel best suit you.

Now put up those affirmations in places you'll see them every day -- on the fridge, on the bathroom mirror, on your bedside table, next to your favourite chair, on the kitchen wall next to where you cook your food or eat a meal. Don't forget to read them.

If you're not comfortable having them up in such public places, then write out a bunch of them (or copies of a few) and put them in places you'll find them -- in your jacket or jeans pocket, in a book you're reading or a favourite book, in your desk drawer, in with your clothes. They're little love notes to yourself. In fact, you may want to do both things -- have them up and also hidden in places where you'll find them.

When you read an affirmation, read it slowly, and really let yourself feel it. Don't just say it by rote. Try to let yourself be there as fully as you can.



Recognize Self-Critical Messages -- and Talk to Them
It's easy to let old, critical voices and messages that we heard as a child play over and over in our minds, without stopping them. Often we may barely recognize that they are there, or we don't really listen to them, we've heard them so often -- but they continue to impact how we feel and think about ourselves.

Try noticing next time you hear a small (or very loud) voice inside your head criticize you. Be aware of what it is saying to you, and try to talk to it. Ask it why it feels it needs to say those things. Is that part of you trying to protect you, in some child-like logic? Or perhaps that part of you felt it had to take on the messages you heard as a kid. Remind that part of you that you no longer need to do that to survive. You are free to make up your own mind about yourself.




Counteract Negative or Critical Thoughts About Yourself
Write down all the negative or critical thoughts and messages you hear inside your head. See if you can figure out who first said them to you (or said something of that nature). Then write out a response that counteracts each of those messages, one by one. Make the counter messages as strong and loving as you can.

If you're having trouble writing out counter messages, see if you can connect to a deep, wise part inside of you. Or write out what you would say to a friend if a friend said those things about her/himself.



Do Comforting and Nurturing Things For Yourself
Allow yourself to do comforting and nurturing things for yourself. Let yourself feel how good you feel when you do those things -- and tell yourself that you deserve to feel that way, to feel good. Gradually you'll find that the more nurturing and comforting times you have, the more you'll seek them out -- and they will help build a good feeling inside you.


Ask Yourself What You Need to Do
Some of these things will work really well for you, while others may not quite fit you. So try taking a moment to get quiet, and ask yourself, "What can I do to help myself feel more compassion and love toward myself?" Don't force an answer -- just let the answer bubble up from inside you. If you find it hard to hear the answer that way, try writing out your question, and then your answer. See what you come up with. You know best what works for you -- and you have great wisdom inside you.





Above all -- have compassion for yourself and for where you're at. Remember that you are a truly loveable person -- and that you deserve only kind treatment, especially from yourself. :)



© C. Rainfield, 2001

Magic Cure for Stress

                  “Let nature perform its magic.”

There are times when we feel pressured by life. Deadlines are looming, household appliances suddenly break, we’re sleep deprived, or people put unexpected pressures on us. We feel temporarily overwhelmed. We desperately tread water, yet the waves come in relentlessly.

It’s time for a mental break!

When your mind is racing, or you’re close to tears with tiredness and frustration, you need to go within and listen to your inner wisdom. To get in touch with your inner self, seek nature.

Leave the mess that is strewn across the living room floor, walk away from the computer and its ever amassing emails. Go outside. Do nothing. Consciously become aware of your senses. Listen to the noises around you, feel the surface you are sitting, standing, or lying on, smell the scents and aromas around you, see dispassionately what is before you. Escaping into your primary senses temporarily stops thinking and eases stress.

Leave your inner chaos behind and experience the magic of nature today.

©Jane Powell – Meditations for Women