How to have a more positive outlook on life and stay optimistic, stress free and mentally healthy.
How are you feeling at this very moment?If your answer is anything less than "content," the chances are that your state of angst is being caused by two elements that have nothing to do with the Here and Now; specifically, Yesterday and Tomorrow.Regrets about events that have occurred in the past and apprehensions about what could occur in the future have done more to immobilize otherwise healthy people than anything else in the world.
Want to break the pattern of needless worry and learn to rejoice in the present?The following tips will help you to get there.
YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW ARE NOT WITHIN YOUR CONTROL
Throughout our lifetimes there will be paths we will wish that we had taken or choices that we perceive would have been better ones for us to make.Unfortunately, life doesn't come with an instant replay button or a chance for do-overs.For as much time as one can spend daydreaming about the outcomes of a parallel universe, the less time accordingly becomes available for making good use of the decisions that brought us to our current juncture.Likewise, we can chew our fingernails down to the knuckles and wear a hole in the carpet in our pacing and forth and worrying whether we'll get a promotion, find lasting romance, or have a safe landing on our next plane trip.None of this zealous fretting, however, is going to have any influence on how other people think or whether our time on Earth will be of short or long duration.The question to ask yourself the next time you feel anxious is whether the cause of your worry is something that is within your immediate control to fix.If it isn't, let it go.
THE ONLY THING PREDICTABLE IS CHANGE
Oftentimes when we're deliriously happy, it's hard to imagine an occasion when we were really down in the dumps.The same can be said of being depressed; certainly whatever ecstasy we felt for something or someone once upon a happier time had to have been just a myth compared to the bereft state we're feeling now.The reality, of course, is that not only is life an ebb and flow of happy and sad but that this continuing cycle provides us with the proper frame of reference to appreciate the value of both emotions.If you're feeling troubled and life just doesn't seem as bright as you think it should be, sit down right now and make a list of the 10 happiest events that have ever happened to you.The odds are in this exercise that they either happened completely out of the blue (i.e., winning a prize) or were things that were the result of your own planning (i.e., a great vacation).The first instance shows that, at any moment, something unexpected could happen that will lift your spirits.The second demonstrates that you're entirely capable of orchestrating positive outcomes yourself; you just need to focus on what it is that you want and put your energy toward making it come about
THANKSGIVING YEAR-ROUND
Too often, people wait until Thanksgiving to take stock of all the blessings in their lives.Why be a slave to the calendar when you can take stock any day of the week?For that matter, you can even buy a turkey breast, make some dressing and potatoes, and celebrate Thanksgiving in July!One needs only to watch the news on television or read the daily newspaper to see examples of people around the world who are far less fortunate.Your house, your family, your job, your health""they may not be as perfect as you'd like them to be but take a moment each and every day and consider what your world would be like if all of these things were taken from you.The adage that we are never given more than we can handle holds especially true on the days when life has us down, for it is on those days that we discover our inner strength and our drive to make the next day better"¦and happier.
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Make a list of ten things that really crack you up.Maybe it's a favorite funny TV show or movie.Maybe it's a friend who always has a great way of telling humorous stories.Maybe it's listening to your children or grandchildren explain the universe.Whatever it is, try to engage in at least one of your ten funny things every day.I even have a friend who started a clippings folder of favorite New Yorker cartoons, short stories, silly cards and jokes that she could pull out whenever she was feeling glum.The secret behind her strategy, of course, is that she always adds to the folder when she's on top of the world as a form of "rainy day insurance" for whenever she later feels the weight of that same world on her shoulders.
THE 5% THEORY
Have you ever dwelled on something for longer than the duration of the actual event itself?Relationships in particular fall into this category.Many an individual, for example, will be remorse for years over the break-up of an affair that only lasted 6 months.Likewise, people will stew needlessly over an incident at the office that happened three weeks ago and that everyone else has pretty much forgotten about.If you're guilty of this habit, it's keeping you from moving forward and being happy.Therefore, apply this simple formula: do not be angry, depressed or mopey for more than 5% of the total amount of time the event was actually occurring.Let's say you dated someone for 10 weeks and he or she then dumped you.Under the 5% theory, you're entitled to whine for 3.5 days.Longer than that and you are just making yourself miserable for no good reason.
TAKE A WALK
Staying indoors and dwelling on your problems won't make them vanish.Getting completely outside of yourself, however, will allow you to view things with a different perspective.You can accomplish this by putting on a good pair of walking shoes, grabbing either a jacket or pair of sunglasses and taking a walk.Even if you've lived in the same neighborhood for years, make a point of paying more attention to the trees, the flowers, the sky, the scent of the air.Engage in conversation with the people that you meet.Make up stories for yourself about the inhabitants of the houses or the passersby in cars.Watch a sunset.Count the stars.And when you come back inside, fix yourself whatever you consider to be the best "comfort food" on the planet.You deserve it!
Showing posts with label thankful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thankful. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
12 ways to be thankful
{Cicero said that "gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others."
The English preacher John Henry Jowett wrote that "every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road."
And according to Aseop Fables, "gratitude is the sign of noble souls."
I don't feel like I'm persistent enough with gratitude. It has only been with much work and lots of practice that I have been able to cultivate gratitude and be genuinely thankful (most days)
Here are 12 techniques I have read about to help me get to the parent of all virtues.
1. See with the heart.
A favoured quote is from Antoine de Saint-Exupery's "The Little Prince":
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Every time I throw myself into a tizzy because things aren't going as expected, I have to remind myself that I'm looking with the wrong instruments: I need to go back and tell my heart to get some guts and speak up to my head because it's starting to listen to my eyes again.
Writes Rabbi Harold Kushner: "Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted--a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul."
2. Change your language.
Learning how to see with the heart--shifting perspectives ever so slightly--is easier once you learn how to talk to yourself and to others. "Just as changing your life can change your language, changing your language can change your life." -- Dan Baker
I do a lot of self-bashing, and when I'm in the middle of a rant, I'm not able to be thankful.
Some recent research has actually proved that: it's impossible to be simultaneously in a state of appreciation and fear, which is why gratitude and appreciation are antidotes to fear. Moreover, the words I speak to myself and to others really do alter my perception of the world. But when I can recognize the toxic self-talk and change my choice of words, the seeds of gratitude can grow.
3. Get a gratitude partner.
Shifting perspectives--seeing that the cup you thought had one teensy drop is actually two-thirds full--and communicating with new language takes time, discipline, and practice. Just like working out. So it makes sense that a gratitude buddy might help you stay in line: someone to help bolster their self-esteem and to keep them accountable to the necessary footwork required to stay positive, as well as act as a sounding board for the negative intrusive thoughts that can disable them.
4. Remember.
"Gratitude is the heart's memory" says the French proverb.
Therefore, one of the first steps to thankfulness is to remember... to remember those in our lives who have walked with us and shown kindness. I have been extremely fortunate to have so many positive mentors in my life.
For every scary crossroad--when I was tempted to take a destructive path and walk further away from the person whom I believe I was meant to become--a gracious"guardian" or "messenger" seemed to appear, to lead me out of the perilous forest.
I think of my mother often in difficult times and feel her strength move through me.
Gratitude can do more than make you smile. Research conducted has found that it can also improve your health: raise energy levels, promote alertness and determination, improve sleep, and possibly relieve pain and fatigue. Writing in a gratitude journal a few times a week can create lasting effects.
Write about things you feet grateful about, jot down things you find annoying, write about things that have had a major impact on you.
You will see a positive effect on hours of sleep and on time spent exercising, on more optimistic expectations for the future. An increase in connectedness to other people and in likelihood of helping another person deal with a personal problem.
6. Write a thank you letter.
Another gratitude exercise is to compose a "gratitude letter" to a person who has made a positive and lasting influence in your life. These letters are especially powerful when you have not properly thanked the person in the past, and when you read the letter aloud to the person face to face.
"When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude."
7. Make a gratitude visit.
Some encourage folks to read their letters aloud in person. Some like to go free style (just show up, and tell people what a difference in my life they have made, that I hope that they know how lucky they are to be touching people's lives, to be sure to thank others in return).
8. Start a gratitude club.
This sounds like an idea for those with, well, lots of time on their hands. But I'm only suggesting it because it works. When my mother passed away, I joined a grief group and it helped me immensely in staying positive and getting through the hard time of adjustment.
It can create a dramatic impact when members bring a guest who had been important in their lives but whom they hadn't thanked properly. Each member of the class presents a testimonial about the person and thank them.
"We do not have a vehicle in our culture for telling the people who mean the most to us how thankful we are that they are on the planet." -- Martin Seligman
9. Acknowledge yourself.
Most published books include a page or two of acknowledgments, where the author cites all the persons who helped shepherd their book to production. Most people do forget a very important figure: themselves. Which is why I think a healthy activity is to write a page of acknowledgements to yourself.
Mine would go something like this:
And I thank you, Self, for doing all that you do to try and keep me healthy: for buying healthy food instead of the junk you crave; for exercising four to five times a week; for enjoying the little things in life; for trying every day to be the best you can be; for taking vitamins; for trying your best to keep in touch with all of your loved one; for trying your best at good sleep hygiene; and for laughing at stupid stuff whenever possible, because I say that it's better than crying......
10. Accept a gift.
Sometimes gratitude is hard because we don't think we're worthy of the gifts bestowed on us.
"When we do not feel that we are worthy of happiness, we cannot possibly feel worthy of the good things in our lives, the things that bring us happiness." --Tal Ben-Shahar
One of the hardest acts of gratitude is to graciously accept a gift, to believe in the goodness of the person who gave it to us, and to believe in ourselves enough to receive it.
11. Pray.
"If the only prayer you say in your life is 'thank you,' that would suffice," wrote Meister Eckhart. Take in the beauty of life with a grateful heart.
The term "gratitude" comes from the Latin word for grace ("gratio").
"maybe that's one reason we worship--to respond to grace. We praise God not to celebrate our own faith but to give thanks for the faith God has in us." --Kathleen Norris
12. Give back.
Sometimes it is hard to come up with a way of repaying someone for all their encouragement and support. How can we match their kindness?
Here's a plan: help someone who falls into your path in the same way that they helped you. Try to help and inspire this lost person--try to guide them to a source of love and self-acceptance--just as they have done for you.
Giving back doesn't mean reciprocating favors so that everything is fair and the tally is even. That's the beauty of giving. If someone does an act of kindness for you, one way to say thanks is to do the same for another.
Continue the chain of support. It's the best way to give back what people have given to you.}
The English preacher John Henry Jowett wrote that "every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road."
And according to Aseop Fables, "gratitude is the sign of noble souls."
I don't feel like I'm persistent enough with gratitude. It has only been with much work and lots of practice that I have been able to cultivate gratitude and be genuinely thankful (most days)
Here are 12 techniques I have read about to help me get to the parent of all virtues.
1. See with the heart.
A favoured quote is from Antoine de Saint-Exupery's "The Little Prince":
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Every time I throw myself into a tizzy because things aren't going as expected, I have to remind myself that I'm looking with the wrong instruments: I need to go back and tell my heart to get some guts and speak up to my head because it's starting to listen to my eyes again.
Writes Rabbi Harold Kushner: "Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted--a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul."
2. Change your language.
Learning how to see with the heart--shifting perspectives ever so slightly--is easier once you learn how to talk to yourself and to others. "Just as changing your life can change your language, changing your language can change your life." -- Dan Baker
I do a lot of self-bashing, and when I'm in the middle of a rant, I'm not able to be thankful.
Some recent research has actually proved that: it's impossible to be simultaneously in a state of appreciation and fear, which is why gratitude and appreciation are antidotes to fear. Moreover, the words I speak to myself and to others really do alter my perception of the world. But when I can recognize the toxic self-talk and change my choice of words, the seeds of gratitude can grow.
3. Get a gratitude partner.
Shifting perspectives--seeing that the cup you thought had one teensy drop is actually two-thirds full--and communicating with new language takes time, discipline, and practice. Just like working out. So it makes sense that a gratitude buddy might help you stay in line: someone to help bolster their self-esteem and to keep them accountable to the necessary footwork required to stay positive, as well as act as a sounding board for the negative intrusive thoughts that can disable them.
4. Remember.
"Gratitude is the heart's memory" says the French proverb.
Therefore, one of the first steps to thankfulness is to remember... to remember those in our lives who have walked with us and shown kindness. I have been extremely fortunate to have so many positive mentors in my life.
For every scary crossroad--when I was tempted to take a destructive path and walk further away from the person whom I believe I was meant to become--a gracious"guardian" or "messenger" seemed to appear, to lead me out of the perilous forest.
I think of my mother often in difficult times and feel her strength move through me.
Gratitude can do more than make you smile. Research conducted has found that it can also improve your health: raise energy levels, promote alertness and determination, improve sleep, and possibly relieve pain and fatigue. Writing in a gratitude journal a few times a week can create lasting effects.
Write about things you feet grateful about, jot down things you find annoying, write about things that have had a major impact on you.
You will see a positive effect on hours of sleep and on time spent exercising, on more optimistic expectations for the future. An increase in connectedness to other people and in likelihood of helping another person deal with a personal problem.
6. Write a thank you letter.
Another gratitude exercise is to compose a "gratitude letter" to a person who has made a positive and lasting influence in your life. These letters are especially powerful when you have not properly thanked the person in the past, and when you read the letter aloud to the person face to face.
"When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude."
7. Make a gratitude visit.
Some encourage folks to read their letters aloud in person. Some like to go free style (just show up, and tell people what a difference in my life they have made, that I hope that they know how lucky they are to be touching people's lives, to be sure to thank others in return).
8. Start a gratitude club.
This sounds like an idea for those with, well, lots of time on their hands. But I'm only suggesting it because it works. When my mother passed away, I joined a grief group and it helped me immensely in staying positive and getting through the hard time of adjustment.
It can create a dramatic impact when members bring a guest who had been important in their lives but whom they hadn't thanked properly. Each member of the class presents a testimonial about the person and thank them.
"We do not have a vehicle in our culture for telling the people who mean the most to us how thankful we are that they are on the planet." -- Martin Seligman
9. Acknowledge yourself.
Most published books include a page or two of acknowledgments, where the author cites all the persons who helped shepherd their book to production. Most people do forget a very important figure: themselves. Which is why I think a healthy activity is to write a page of acknowledgements to yourself.
Mine would go something like this:
And I thank you, Self, for doing all that you do to try and keep me healthy: for buying healthy food instead of the junk you crave; for exercising four to five times a week; for enjoying the little things in life; for trying every day to be the best you can be; for taking vitamins; for trying your best to keep in touch with all of your loved one; for trying your best at good sleep hygiene; and for laughing at stupid stuff whenever possible, because I say that it's better than crying......
10. Accept a gift.
Sometimes gratitude is hard because we don't think we're worthy of the gifts bestowed on us.
"When we do not feel that we are worthy of happiness, we cannot possibly feel worthy of the good things in our lives, the things that bring us happiness." --Tal Ben-Shahar
One of the hardest acts of gratitude is to graciously accept a gift, to believe in the goodness of the person who gave it to us, and to believe in ourselves enough to receive it.
11. Pray.
"If the only prayer you say in your life is 'thank you,' that would suffice," wrote Meister Eckhart. Take in the beauty of life with a grateful heart.
The term "gratitude" comes from the Latin word for grace ("gratio").
"maybe that's one reason we worship--to respond to grace. We praise God not to celebrate our own faith but to give thanks for the faith God has in us." --Kathleen Norris
12. Give back.
Sometimes it is hard to come up with a way of repaying someone for all their encouragement and support. How can we match their kindness?
Here's a plan: help someone who falls into your path in the same way that they helped you. Try to help and inspire this lost person--try to guide them to a source of love and self-acceptance--just as they have done for you.
Giving back doesn't mean reciprocating favors so that everything is fair and the tally is even. That's the beauty of giving. If someone does an act of kindness for you, one way to say thanks is to do the same for another.
Continue the chain of support. It's the best way to give back what people have given to you.}
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