Do you love yourself?

Learning to love yourself isn't easy -- especially if you're a survivor of childhood abuse or neglect. But there are things you can do to boost your self-love.


Ask for a list of things people like about you.

Sometimes it can be hard to find things we like or love about ourselves. So -- ask other people to tell you all the things they like about you. Ask a friend, a lover, a therapist. This isn't a replacement for your own love; it's a first step in learning to love yourself. You may need to hear the things other people like about you before you can value them in youself.

If hearing what people like about you is hard, ask your friends to write it down for you, or leave it on your voice mail, so you can read/listen to it over and over. Go back to it as many times as you can. Even if you don't believe that someone can like a particular thing about you, or you don't believe it exists, trust that your friend does see it and value it.

When you start to hear critical voices inside your head, go back to those things your friend said/wrote about you, and remember that you are loved.



Make a list of the things you like about yourself.
Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Be as honest as you can. Modesty doesn't help you here; neither do old critical messages. If you're having trouble finding things you value about yourself, think about the things you value and love in your friends, then see if those things exist inside you, too. Most often, they do.


Fill a special notebook with your list, or create a set of cards. Make the notebook as beautiful as you can -- make it something that makes you feel good when you look at it. Then open it up and look at it any time you're feeling down or critical about yourself, or any time anyone says anything that triggers your criticalness of yourself.

Look at this good-things-about-yourself book as frequently as you can. It may seem silly, but repetition really does make a difference. (Just think of the impact one critical phrase said by a parent over and over to a child can have. It really does have an effect! Now try to give that child inside you at least one truly loving phrase about yourself that s/he can hold on to.)



Make it part of your daily routine to praise something in yourself or think about something you like about yourself.

In this society, we're taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. But praising ourselves for things that are good about ourselves only helps us. It is a healing thing to do, something that nourishes our self-worth. When we love ourselves, we're happier and more true to our own selves...and that happiness and ability to be free spreads to others.


So...try to think of something that you like about yourself, or something that you did today that made you or someone else feel good -- no matter how small it may seem. Give yourself the kind of warm praise that you would a friend.



Love yourself like a friend
Close your eyes and think of a person you deeply love and trust, and who you know loves you-- a friend, a lover. Think about all the things you love and appreciate about them. Notice how that love feels inside you, how it makes you feel good.

Now turn it around the other way -- be your friend, feeling that same deep love for you. Trust in their love for you, and just feel it. Let yourself see your self through gentle eyes, with compassion and love the way your friend does, even if you can only do it for a moment. Now let yourself receive that love, the love you have as a friend to yourself. Feel the warmth move through you. Remember how it feels, and come back to that love another time.



Make a note every time someone says something nice about you.
Every time someone tells you something about yourself that makes you feel good, write it down or make a mental note and jot it down later. When you get home, put that note in a container of "good things about me." Decorate the container however you like. Keep on adding notes, and read them over every time you need a little boost -- and even when you don't feel like you do.



Have compassion for yourself.
If you're feeling really judgemental about something you've done or said, try to understand where the judgement is coming from. Not the immediate, surface answer, but an answer deep down inside you. Are you afraid of something, or are you feeling insecure? Do you think you did something "wrong," or are you hearing the judgement of a voice from your past? Try to connect to that little kid inside of you who's feeling that way, and really listen to how s/he's feeling. Hug and reassure that kid, and let her/him know that s/he didn't do anything wrong, and that you love her/him.

You can also think of a friend having acted as you did. Imagine how you'd feel towards them -- how you'd still love them and readily forgive them if there was anything to forgive. You probably wouldn't even find it bothersome! Try to feel that same love and compassion for yourself.



Recognize that the love has to come from you.
If you're a survivor of child abuse or come from a dysfunctional family, you may still be waiting for a parent to give you the love and acceptance you never got as a child. But the kind of love you need (or needed as a child) probably isn't going to come from a parent who abused you or who looked the other way while you were being abused. But it can come from yourself.


It can be hard to give it to yourself at first -- after all, if you didn't receive love as a child, or if some of that love was torn away from you by violence, self-hate may have built up inside you. But you have the courage and strength to love yourself, if you've survived this long. And you do deserve it!

So try to connect to that little child inside, that child who deserves all of your love and acceptance.



Use Affirmations
I know, I know, this sounds corny. But if you hear good things about yourself over and over, you can't help but have some of it sink in.


Write out strong, loving things to say to yourself, even if you don't fully believe them. Some examples are:


"I utterly and completely deserve love and kindness,"


"I am a very loveable person,"


"I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, and wise." (or subsitute the words for loving words that you feel best suit you.

Now put up those affirmations in places you'll see them every day -- on the fridge, on the bathroom mirror, on your bedside table, next to your favourite chair, on the kitchen wall next to where you cook your food or eat a meal. Don't forget to read them.

If you're not comfortable having them up in such public places, then write out a bunch of them (or copies of a few) and put them in places you'll find them -- in your jacket or jeans pocket, in a book you're reading or a favourite book, in your desk drawer, in with your clothes. They're little love notes to yourself. In fact, you may want to do both things -- have them up and also hidden in places where you'll find them.

When you read an affirmation, read it slowly, and really let yourself feel it. Don't just say it by rote. Try to let yourself be there as fully as you can.



Recognize Self-Critical Messages -- and Talk to Them
It's easy to let old, critical voices and messages that we heard as a child play over and over in our minds, without stopping them. Often we may barely recognize that they are there, or we don't really listen to them, we've heard them so often -- but they continue to impact how we feel and think about ourselves.

Try noticing next time you hear a small (or very loud) voice inside your head criticize you. Be aware of what it is saying to you, and try to talk to it. Ask it why it feels it needs to say those things. Is that part of you trying to protect you, in some child-like logic? Or perhaps that part of you felt it had to take on the messages you heard as a kid. Remind that part of you that you no longer need to do that to survive. You are free to make up your own mind about yourself.




Counteract Negative or Critical Thoughts About Yourself
Write down all the negative or critical thoughts and messages you hear inside your head. See if you can figure out who first said them to you (or said something of that nature). Then write out a response that counteracts each of those messages, one by one. Make the counter messages as strong and loving as you can.

If you're having trouble writing out counter messages, see if you can connect to a deep, wise part inside of you. Or write out what you would say to a friend if a friend said those things about her/himself.



Do Comforting and Nurturing Things For Yourself
Allow yourself to do comforting and nurturing things for yourself. Let yourself feel how good you feel when you do those things -- and tell yourself that you deserve to feel that way, to feel good. Gradually you'll find that the more nurturing and comforting times you have, the more you'll seek them out -- and they will help build a good feeling inside you.


Ask Yourself What You Need to Do
Some of these things will work really well for you, while others may not quite fit you. So try taking a moment to get quiet, and ask yourself, "What can I do to help myself feel more compassion and love toward myself?" Don't force an answer -- just let the answer bubble up from inside you. If you find it hard to hear the answer that way, try writing out your question, and then your answer. See what you come up with. You know best what works for you -- and you have great wisdom inside you.





Above all -- have compassion for yourself and for where you're at. Remember that you are a truly loveable person -- and that you deserve only kind treatment, especially from yourself. :)



© C. Rainfield, 2001

Magic Cure for Stress

                  “Let nature perform its magic.”

There are times when we feel pressured by life. Deadlines are looming, household appliances suddenly break, we’re sleep deprived, or people put unexpected pressures on us. We feel temporarily overwhelmed. We desperately tread water, yet the waves come in relentlessly.

It’s time for a mental break!

When your mind is racing, or you’re close to tears with tiredness and frustration, you need to go within and listen to your inner wisdom. To get in touch with your inner self, seek nature.

Leave the mess that is strewn across the living room floor, walk away from the computer and its ever amassing emails. Go outside. Do nothing. Consciously become aware of your senses. Listen to the noises around you, feel the surface you are sitting, standing, or lying on, smell the scents and aromas around you, see dispassionately what is before you. Escaping into your primary senses temporarily stops thinking and eases stress.

Leave your inner chaos behind and experience the magic of nature today.

©Jane Powell – Meditations for Women

transform your life

“It all starts with a vision.”


A vision is an inspired idea. It is a concept that motivates you and pushes you into action.


You know when a vision hits you, by the energy and excitement you feel. A clear vision gets you charged and keeps you going. The very thought fills you with energy and positive feelings.


Your visions inspire a sense of purpose and direction. They give you a target to aim for, an aspiration to live for. With the motivation that comes from visions, you can transform yourself and your life.


Once you have a vision in mind, use the energy it inspires to create a plan. Then, imagine the plan in motion and the vision achieved. That’s how visions become realities!

©Jane Powell – Meditations for Women

Today's Affirmation: I use the energy from my visions to inspire and motivate me into action

HOW TO STAY YOUNG by George Carlin

I've always loved this list and am glad to see it circulate often....


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them "

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10.Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.


AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism,


he learns to condemn.


If a child lives with hostility,


he learns to fight.


If a child lives with ridicule,


he learns to feel shy.


If a child lives with shame,


he learns to feel guilty.


If a child lives with tolerance,


he learns to be patient.


If a child lives with encouragement,


he learns confidence.


If a child lives with praise,


he learns to appreciate.


If a child lives with fairness,


he learns justice.


If a child lives with security,


he learns to have faith.


If a child lives with approval,


he learns to like himself.


If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,


he learns to find love in the world.

How to Love Yourself

1. Stop all criticism: Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

2. Don't scare yourself: Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

3. Be gentle and kind and patient: Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient
with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you
really loved.

4. Be kind to your mind: Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change the thoughts.

5. Praise yourself: Criticism breaks the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

6. Support yourself: Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends, and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

7. Be loving to your negatives: Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So. lovingly release the old negative patterns.

8. Take care of your body: Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

9. Mirror work: Look into your own eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say: "I love you, I really love you!"

10. LOVE YOURSELF - DO IT NOW! Don't wait until you get well or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin NOW - do the best you can.



- from Louise Hay through Mind, Body & Spirit

Erma Bombeck

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute , look at it and really see it . live it and never give it back.

STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have.

Goal setting

If you don’t have any goals and don’t feel that you need any, that’s okay. Many people are content with going to work, coming home, watching television, listening to music, reading a
book, taking care of the house, and just going about life. Many motivational leaders will say you need more, but if you are comfortable without goals, that’s fine.

I think goals are important.

If you created some goals, it’s time for a review. Did you complete your goal(s)? If not, why not? Was the goal compromised for some reason — finances, relationships,
family, work, self-imposed limitations/thoughts, procrastination, fear of failure? Did you lack financial education, proper direction, accountability, or mentoring? What can you do to eliminate these obstacles so that you can achieve your goals?

If you want to set new goals, now is the time. The following paragraphs describe a simple exercise that will help you to create goals.

The first step requires a piece of paper, a pen or pencil, a timer, and 20 minutes. Set the timer for 20 minutes and write down 100 goals. Don’t think too hard about it. Write down the
first things that come to mind.

The second step takes a little more time. Categorize the goals into sections. The sections are physical, mental, spiritual, recreation, family, career, social, and financial.

For the third step, divide each goal into action steps using the SMART technique. SMART is an acronym for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timed. Evaluate the action steps you have decided on to make sure they meet these criteria.

The last step is to begin working the goal. The operative word is “working.” Goals and dreams do not come about by wishing, dreaming, or creating a montage of the things you want on a poster board.

You may find it difficult to determine which goal to work on first. Choose the section/goal that is most important to you at the time. It is also difficult to strike the right balance
between all the sections. Trying to achieve perfection in each section will actually create a negative return on the time invested.

Goals are achieved by completing the above action steps and by asking for guidance, direction, and mentoring.

Zig Ziglar is a phenomenal motivational speaker with a long history of success. He suggests the following action thought when creating your goal(s). Ask yourself five questions: Is it really my goal? (If you’re a minor living at home, an employee, or a team member, some of your goals may be set by your parents, employer, coach, or director.) Is it morally right and fair to everyone concerned? Is it consistent with my other goals? Can I emotionally commit myself to finish this goal? Can I “see” myself reaching this goal?

(written by Dr. Michael Kaye)

Obsessive Thinking

We were taught to approach life from a perspective of fear, survival, lack and scarcity. We were taught that life is about destinations, and that when we get to point X be it marriage or college degree or fame and fortune or whatever - we will live happily ever after.

Of course, this is not the way life works and you already know that and probably discarded that fairy tale ending intelluctually a long time ago. On the emotional and imprint level we keep looking for it because that is what the child in us was taught. We keep living life as if it is a dress rehearsal for "when our ship comes in". For when we really start to live. For when we get that relationship, or accomplishment or money that will make us okay, that will fix us.

We do not require FIXING because we are NOT BROKEN. Our sense of self, our self perception, was shattered and fractures and broken into pieces, not our TRUE SELF.

We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience. We are all here to learn and we are here to go through this process that is life. Finally we are here to feel these feelings. Doing our emotional and imprint healing allows us to feel clear about what what is in front of us instead of torturing ourselves by obsessively thinking, trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong.

Let us first look at some definitions before we continue, Obsessive thinking is an emotional defense and is a manifestations of codependancy. Being in our heads, thinking, fantasizing, ruminating, is a defense we adapted in childhood to help is disassociate from the emotional pain we were experiencing. It is not for our highest good because it keeps us focused on the future or the past, we miss out on being live today, in the NOW. It is not for our highest good because our attempts to ESCAPE unpleasant feelings causes us to generate more unpleasant feelings.

Worry which can be described as negative fantasizing, is a reaction to fear of the unknown which creates more fear, which creates more worry, which creates more fear and so on. This fear is a manifestation of codependancy, a distorted, magnified, virulent, mutated species of fear caused by the poisonous combination of a false Belief that being human is shameful with a polarized (black and white, right and wrong) perspective of life. This self perpetuating, self destructive type of obsessive thinking feeds not only on fear, but on shaming ourselves for feeling the fear!

Codependancy is a useless emotional defense system adapted by our egos to help us survive. The polarized perspective of life we were programmed with in early childhood from our environment and imprint creation as well as inherited imprints, causes us to be afraid of making a mistake, of doing life "wrong". At the core of our being, we feel unlovable and unworthy and we spend great amounts of Energy trying to keep our shameful defectiveness a secret. We feel that , if we were perfect like we "SHOULD" be, we would not feel fear and confusion and would have reached "happily ever after" by now. So, we shame ourselves for feeling fear, which adds gasoline to the inferno of fear that is driving us. The shame and fear that drive obsession becomes so painful and "crazy making" that at some point we have to find a way to shut down our minds for a little while - drugs, alcohol, food, sleep, shopping, television, sex, etc.

This is a very sad way to relate to life. The fear we are empowering is about the future, shame is about the past. We are not capable of being in the NOW and enjoying life because we are caught up in trauma melodramas about things which have not yet happened - or wallowing in orgies of self recrimination about the past, which can not be changed. Codependant behavior does not allow one to really live life in line with their Higher Self and shadows the Essence of the TRUE Self. IT is very important that these imprints be removed from the energetic field.

Obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior is caused by, and fed by, fear and shame. The feeling that the world will come to an end if____ doesn't happen, or that it has come to an end because ____ happened, is a feeling coming from the wounded child within and related imprints firing. It is the result of early childhood emotional trauma and the subconscious programming adapted by our egos to help us survive at a time when we were helpless and powerless.

An adult is not helpless and powerless. We are, however, powerless to know that, as long as we are UNCONSCIOUSLY reacting to repressed emotional energy and imprints and programming from the subconscious. It is impossible to see our self or life clearly when we are caught up in trauma dramas (internally and externally) that feel life threatening. It is our codependancy that we are in denial of our emotions at the same time we are allowing unconscious imprint programming and the feelings of the Inner Child to define and dictate our lives.

Removing the imprints, programming, beliefs and other energetic blockages will help a person take power away from the fear and shame that drives obsessive thinking. Learning to be companssionate in our relationship WITH OUR SELF by not shaming ourselves for being human beings, will help to take power away from the obsessive thinking.

Love is the answer to obsession but not the love of another person. Learning to be LOVING TO YOURSELF and remembering that there is a LOVING HIGHER POWER is the best way to stop obsessive thinking.


written by Nicole Lavoie
information from http://www.selfgrowth.com/

"17 Rules for a Better Way to Live"

Written by author Og Mandino.

Read and apply these rules and your life will change for the better!

Rule One
Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you... with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.

Rule Two
Today, and every day, deliver more than you are getting paid to do. The victory of success will be half won when you learn the secret of putting out more than is expected in all that you do. Make yourself so valuable in your work that eventually you will become indispensable. Exercise your privilege to go the extra mile, and enjoy all the rewards you receive. You deserve them!

Rule Three
Whenever you make a mistake or get knocked down by life, don't look back at it too long. Mistakes are life's way of teaching you. Your capacity for occasional blunders is inseparable from your capacity to reach your goals. No one wins them all, and your failures, when they happen, are just part of your growth. Shake off your blunders. How will you know your limits without an occasional failure? Never quit. Your turn will come.

Rule Four
Always reward your long hours of labor and toil in the very best way, surrounded by your family. Nurture their love carefully, remembering that your children need models, not critics, and your own progress will hasten when you constantly strive to present your best side to your children. And even if you have failed at all else in the eyes of the world, if you have a loving family, you are a success.

Rule Five
Build this day on a foundation of pleasant thoughts. Never fret at any imperfections that you fear may impede your progress. Remind yourself, as often as necessary, that you are a creature of God and have the power to achieve any dream by lifting up your thoughts. You can fly when you decide that you can. Never consider yourself defeat again. Let the vision in your heart be in your life's blueprint. Smile!

Rule Six
Let your actions always speak for you, but be forever on guard against the terrible traps of false pride and conceit that can halt your progress. The next time you are tempted to boast, just place your fist in a full pail of water, and when you remove it, the hole remaining will give you a correct measure of your importance.

Rule Seven
Each day is a special gift, and while life may not always be fair, you must never allow the pains, hurdles, and handicaps of the moment to poison your attitude and plans for yourself and your future. You can never win when you wear the ugly cloak of self-pity, and the sour sound of whining will certainly frighten away any opportunity for success. Never again. There is a better way.

Rule Eight
Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!

Rule Nine
Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find "tomorrow" on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday's defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, "If I had my life to live over again..."Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day!

Rule Ten
Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.

Rule Eleven
Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self- pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.

Rule Twelve
Never neglect the little things. Never skimp on that extra effort, that additional few minutes, that soft word of praise or thanks, that delivery of the very best that you can do. It does not matter what others think, it is of prime importance, however, what you think about you. You can never do your best, which should always be your trademark, if you are cutting corners and shirking responsibilities. You are special. Act it. Never neglect the little things.

Rule Thirteen
Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift from your Creator, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self- starter. Let your first hour set the theme of success and positive action that is certain to echo through your entire day. Today will never happen again. Don't waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail.

Rule Fourteen
You will achieve grand dreams, a day at a time, so set goals for each day -- not long and difficult projects, but chores that will take you, step by step, toward your rainbow. Write them down, if you must, but limit your list so that you won't have to drag today's undone matters into tomorrow. Remember that you cannot build your pyramid in twenty-four hours. Be patient. Never allow your day to become so cluttered that you neglect your most important goal -- to do the best you can, enjoy this day, and rest satisfied with what you have accomplished.

Rule Fifteen
Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish child can pull it to pieces.

Rule Sixteen
Search for the seed of good in every adversity. Master that principle and you will own a precious shield that will guard you well through all the darkest valley you must traverse. Stars may be seen from the bottom of a deep well, when they cannot be discerned from the mountaintop. So will you learn things in adversity that you would never have discovered without trouble. There is always a seed of good. Find it and prosper.

Rule Seventeen
Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

A B C's

Accept differences

Be kind

Count your blessings

Dream

Express thanks

Forgive

Give freely

Harm no one

Imagine more

Jettison anger

Keep confidences

Love truly

Master something

Nurture hope

Open your mind

Pack lightly

Quell rumours

Reciprocate

Seek wisdom

Touch hearts

Understand

Value truth

Win graciously

Xeriscape

Yearn for peace

Zealously support a worthy cause

12 ways to be thankful

{Cicero said that "gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others."
The English preacher John Henry Jowett wrote that "every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road."
And according to Aseop Fables, "gratitude is the sign of noble souls."
I don't feel like I'm persistent enough with gratitude. It has only been with much work and lots of practice that I have been able to cultivate gratitude and be genuinely thankful (most days)

Here are 12 techniques I have read about to help me get to the parent of all virtues.

1. See with the heart.
A favoured quote is from Antoine de Saint-Exupery's "The Little Prince":
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Every time I throw myself into a tizzy because things aren't going as expected, I have to remind myself that I'm looking with the wrong instruments: I need to go back and tell my heart to get some guts and speak up to my head because it's starting to listen to my eyes again.
Writes Rabbi Harold Kushner: "Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted--a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul."

2. Change your language.
Learning how to see with the heart--shifting perspectives ever so slightly--is easier once you learn how to talk to yourself and to others. "Just as changing your life can change your language, changing your language can change your life." -- Dan Baker
I do a lot of self-bashing, and when I'm in the middle of a rant, I'm not able to be thankful.
Some recent research has actually proved that: it's impossible to be simultaneously in a state of appreciation and fear, which is why gratitude and appreciation are antidotes to fear. Moreover, the words I speak to myself and to others really do alter my perception of the world. But when I can recognize the toxic self-talk and change my choice of words, the seeds of gratitude can grow.

3. Get a gratitude partner.
Shifting perspectives--seeing that the cup you thought had one teensy drop is actually two-thirds full--and communicating with new language takes time, discipline, and practice. Just like working out. So it makes sense that a gratitude buddy might help you stay in line: someone to help bolster their self-esteem and to keep them accountable to the necessary footwork required to stay positive, as well as act as a sounding board for the negative intrusive thoughts that can disable them.

4. Remember.
"Gratitude is the heart's memory" says the French proverb.
Therefore, one of the first steps to thankfulness is to remember... to remember those in our lives who have walked with us and shown kindness. I have been extremely fortunate to have so many positive mentors in my life.
For every scary crossroad--when I was tempted to take a destructive path and walk further away from the person whom I believe I was meant to become--a gracious"guardian" or "messenger" seemed to appear, to lead me out of the perilous forest.
I think of my mother often in difficult times and feel her strength move through me.
Gratitude can do more than make you smile. Research conducted has found that it can also improve your health: raise energy levels, promote alertness and determination, improve sleep, and possibly relieve pain and fatigue. Writing in a gratitude journal a few times a week can create lasting effects.
Write about things you feet grateful about, jot down things you find annoying, write about things that have had a major impact on you.
You will see a positive effect on hours of sleep and on time spent exercising, on more optimistic expectations for the future. An increase in connectedness to other people and in likelihood of helping another person deal with a personal problem.

6. Write a thank you letter.
Another gratitude exercise is to compose a "gratitude letter" to a person who has made a positive and lasting influence in your life. These letters are especially powerful when you have not properly thanked the person in the past, and when you read the letter aloud to the person face to face.
"When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude."

7. Make a gratitude visit.
Some encourage folks to read their letters aloud in person. Some like to go free style (just show up, and tell people what a difference in my life they have made, that I hope that they know how lucky they are to be touching people's lives, to be sure to thank others in return).

8. Start a gratitude club.
This sounds like an idea for those with, well, lots of time on their hands. But I'm only suggesting it because it works. When my mother passed away, I joined a grief group and it helped me immensely in staying positive and getting through the hard time of adjustment.
It can create a dramatic impact when members bring a guest who had been important in their lives but whom they hadn't thanked properly. Each member of the class presents a testimonial about the person and thank them.
"We do not have a vehicle in our culture for telling the people who mean the most to us how thankful we are that they are on the planet." -- Martin Seligman

9. Acknowledge yourself.
Most published books include a page or two of acknowledgments, where the author cites all the persons who helped shepherd their book to production. Most people do forget a very important figure: themselves. Which is why I think a healthy activity is to write a page of acknowledgements to yourself.
Mine would go something like this:
And I thank you, Self, for doing all that you do to try and keep me healthy: for buying healthy food instead of the junk you crave; for exercising four to five times a week; for enjoying the little things in life; for trying every day to be the best you can be; for taking vitamins; for trying your best to keep in touch with all of your loved one; for trying your best at good sleep hygiene; and for laughing at stupid stuff whenever possible, because I say that it's better than crying......

10. Accept a gift.
Sometimes gratitude is hard because we don't think we're worthy of the gifts bestowed on us.
"When we do not feel that we are worthy of happiness, we cannot possibly feel worthy of the good things in our lives, the things that bring us happiness." --Tal Ben-Shahar
One of the hardest acts of gratitude is to graciously accept a gift, to believe in the goodness of the person who gave it to us, and to believe in ourselves enough to receive it.

11. Pray.
"If the only prayer you say in your life is 'thank you,' that would suffice," wrote Meister Eckhart. Take in the beauty of life with a grateful heart.
The term "gratitude" comes from the Latin word for grace ("gratio").
"maybe that's one reason we worship--to respond to grace. We praise God not to celebrate our own faith but to give thanks for the faith God has in us." --Kathleen Norris

12. Give back.
Sometimes it is hard to come up with a way of repaying someone for all their encouragement and support. How can we match their kindness?
Here's a plan: help someone who falls into your path in the same way that they helped you. Try to help and inspire this lost person--try to guide them to a source of love and self-acceptance--just as they have done for you.
Giving back doesn't mean reciprocating favors so that everything is fair and the tally is even. That's the beauty of giving. If someone does an act of kindness for you, one way to say thanks is to do the same for another.
Continue the chain of support. It's the best way to give back what people have given to you.}

It's all about YOU

Accept the fact that you are a unique individual with a place to occupy and a special purpose to fulfill.

Remember that you are endowed with the ability to choose and the potential power to accomplish everything you desire.

"Don't allow others to upset your day. If someone is rude or abusive towards you, try to understand the pain or fear they are feeling and try to help them through it without letting yourself accept the blame. Give them comfort if they need it, but don't allow them to use you as a scapegoat for their feelings."

Master time instead of letting it master you

What is the difference between effective time management and wasting time ?

Plan what you need to do - that is the easy part.

Work out what needs to be done to make that plan work.

Have a genuine desire to achieve your goals, then work every day to complete them.

Write out a schedule.

Practice.

Be determined.

Get yourself in the habit.

Distractions will come, but work hard to stay on track.

~ ~ ~ *** ~ ~ ~ *** ~ ~ ~ *** ~ ~ ~

Would you rather speak to a complainer or a whiner?

Personally, I am not sure which I prefer since both drain my energy.

I am sure you know some people who fall into the category of whiners and complainers. They complain about everything. They can’t find anything good about anything.

When they begin to talk, you try to hold onto your sense of compassion and empathy, but you slowly lose it.

One of my relatives is like this—complain, whine, and complain. When she talks, I think of a placard I have in my office that reads, “Now that’s ten minutes of my life I will never get back again.”

These people are “Time Vampires” — they suck the time from you.

So what do you do about these Time Vampires?

You may have thought that driving a wooden stake through the heart would be a good way to deal with the vampire, but you probably couldn’t get away with that. And you can’t walk
around wearing a garlic necklace (even if you swear you’ll never go out again and you’ll only socialize through Twitter and Facebook, eventually you’ll have to leave your house and you’ll stink to high heaven).

So you have to try a more socially acceptable approach. To manage the Time Vampire, limit your contact with him/her. Minimize all forms of communication—phone, texting, e-mailing
and socializing. Set some boundaries when you converse with him/her. Ask questions to keep the time vampire on track.

If you are speaking to a complainer/whiner at a social gathering, get other people involved so you can slowly withdraw from the conversation. Some of you may think this is harsh, but it isn’t if you want to maintain your sanity.

For those of you who want to help and make a difference in the life of a complainer/whiner (this is the category I fall into), ask if the complaints are about things or people that they can
change. Often the complaining and whining concern things over which they have no control. If this is the case, encourage acceptance of the situation as it is.

Ask the complainer/whiner to list five things they are happy about, five things they are grateful to have in their life, or even five people they enjoy in their life. Stay focused on
things they enjoy. You may not be able to change them from complainers to non-complainers, but at least you can begin to have a decent conversation.

(Dr. Michael Kaye)

“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.” ~Anthony J. D'Angelo

Low Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem?

It is the opinion you have of yourself.

I had very low self-esteem for many years. I did not like myself. I had a very poor self-image. This was due to negative thoughts, and events in my life. I did not stand up for myself. I believed what others said about me. I let myself drown into a world of sadness and depression. I felt helpless and worthless. I did not smile easily. I avoided people, and pushed anyone close to me away. I was tired all the time. I constantly wondered why I was the way I was. I lied.

"You are the master of your own destiny" -- steve moore

"Make a point of connecting with someone new every day. And reacquaint yourself with anyone you have not spoken to for some time by going through your address book." -- roy sheppard

It took me years of researching and learning to build my self-esteem. Lots of books, and therapy. Yoga and mediatation. Meeting and talking with others who have gone through similar things. Deciding to be happy and not let things get the better of me. Promising to stay healthy and enjoy life. Life is short. We should not waste a moment of it being negative or sad. Things happen that make us unhappy, but we get over them and move on. You are the one person who you have to live with for the rest of your life. Please enjoy the company of yourself. Work a little bit each day on something that you want to change. Eventually things will get better. You will get stronger. Believe in yourself. Use positive affirmations.

Reach out to someone. There are lots of people who can help, if you need some.

Choose to be who you want to be.

Stop ~ Breath ~ Positive Thoughts

Relate to all things with kindness * Remind yourself to speak purely and lovingly * Every morning, resolve to keep a wide-open heart and mind * Omit needless words * Being generous is a blessing * Be cheerful for no reason * Put all the happiness you can into each moment * Watch the way you walk, breathe, smile and react * Witnessing is enough - you do not need to act * Become more loving and you will become more joyful * Inhale pure love. Exhale pure peace * Ask yourself whether what you are about to say or do will be useful * Remember that worrying is pointless - it only adds to your suffering * Turn a source of irritation into an opportunity to be mindful * Counting your breath occupies your mind so that your mind doesn't occupy you * Be soft when you feel harsh * From the moment you get up, be mindful, making your whole day a meditation * Take delight in your surroundings. Be interested in everything - the trees, the clouds, the cars, and the people - around you * Notice the silence between sounds and the space between thoughts * Instead of pushing to your next destination, just enjoy the process of getting there * Look for the small things; you will see more of the details of life * See perfection in imperfection * Be patient with yourself. A calm and peaceful mind is the only way to overcome failure * Give positive energy to others while expecting nothing in return * Take breaks throughout the day to recharge your spiritual batteries * Practice moderation and restraint * Remind yourself to be happy * Do what is beneficial. Send forth positive energy * Carry a sense of openness and wholeness within you. Use your breath to help you renew this feeling * Speak mindful words. Don't ramble; say only what is important * Live your life now instead of waiting for the future * Notice acts of beauty in yourself and others, and use them for inspiration * Feel the simple joy of being alive and share it with everyone you meet today * Let your effort be relaxed and steady * Cultivate your own spirit. Do not look for something outside yourself * Be grateful for even the smallest wonders * Be fresh and pleasant * Each day, view your life as a process and mindfully embrace each stage * Smiling makes you happy and attractive * Take time to be with nature, people, music and children * Make a promise to enjoy every minute of every day * Listen to your heart, maintain a sense of humour, and follow the middle way * Feel the simple loving presence in each moment * Think that your life is as interesting and miraculous as the moon, the stars, and the universe * Learn not to want what you want. Recognize desires, but do not be controlled by them * Sense the surrounding space that connects you to everything *



taken from 'self-meditation' by barbara ann kipfer